Why Aren’t They Listening to Me
Picture this: you’re in a meeting and make, what you think, is a great suggestion. Everyone carries on talking. So, you repeat your gem. No response. Twenty minutes later someone echoes your own suggestion and everyone stops as if they’ve heard the Divine Word and praises the speaker, leaving you totally flummoxed. ‘Why aren’t they listening to ME!’ cries your inner voice. Well, here are a few tips to grab and maintain the attention of others.
Language:
Harvard University held a survey of the most powerful words in English. It came up with 12 and these are:
You, Easy, Guarantee, Health, Love, Money, New, Proven, Results, Safety, Save,
Discover
Use 3 of those in the first minute of any presentation or communication and
I can guarantee that you'll discover how quickly people will listen.
So I used 3 there. Any more of those and I'd have sounded like Victor Kiam, (the famous salesman who liked Remington so much, he bought the company).
Actually, I'd add one more: FREE. That's a good one. You can use this in a non-pricing context with as much effect in phrases such as:
“...and this will free you up to do what you need to do.”
Notice how you grab attention quickly next time you need to have someone listen to what you say.
Voice
Dribbling with your voice can give away a lack of confidence and conviction in what you're saying.
This is a vocal habit that I often in Presentation when the voice trails off at the end of a sentence or phrase. This gives various impressions of the speaker:
a) H/She knows what they're on about but doesn't give a toss whether we hear it or not.
or
b) They've run out of energy or enthusiasm for what they're saying before they've
finished saying it!
To prevent this, read into a voice recorder, mobile phone etc. and make sure that you press on the last syllable of the phrase or sentence to stop it 'falling away'.
Use gesture
Vocal emphasis is key to speaking with enthusiasm and conviction.
Once you learn to use emphasis, your speaking will
• look more engaging
• sound more interesting
• feel more comfortable
In order to emphasise effectively....
• maintain eye contact
• use gesture in tandem with vocal emphasis
• vary vocal pitch and pause to underline important words/phrases
• maintain eye contact to the end of the sentence
Levels of information
Sometimes people go right for the detail when the listener wants the big picture or headlines. When there’s a mismatch in the level and quantity of information required, it can be a cause of communication frustration and is enough to flick the ‘off’ switch. If you get too much detail, try phrases such as:
• ‘So, what you’re saying is...’
• ‘From what you’re saying, the main points are that...’
• ‘Right. Essentially, what I need to do is...’
If you need more information than you’re getting, use any of the following phrases:
• ‘Could you give me an example?’
• ‘Could you tell me more about......?’
• ‘What exactly would that be like...?’
Do you leak when you speak?
I'd hope not but many do...Leaking is body language that undermines your intention.
Typical examples are:
1) biting or pursing the lips after you've spoken (trying to keep some words back?)
2) smiling (embarrassed at what you've just said or trying to soften the blow?)
3) tapping the foot (impatient? urging a response?)
4) rolling the feet in (trying to make yourself look smaller?)
Such gestures are not part of the conscious intention of the speaker and detract from gestures that you use for vocal emphasis. However, as they're unconscious, they carry more weight as they reflect an unspoken but very genuine feeling. These gestures are 'leaking gestures'.
Take courage
If you show confidence, others will pick up on that. Sustain eye contact and keep the body language controlled. Often the messages you relay are not your own, and it would be natural to feel uncomfortable - but project clarity and that's what you'll give.